Timedealings

I should get used to it I guess
To have time without purpose
to be alone and cold
Soon I will be up North with only a blanket as comfort through lonely days
No one to call, no stolen moments on borrowed shoulders, no illusions

Its been a while of slowing down
Its been months of feeling restless and out of place
I cant seem to do what other people do
Just be happy and peaceful resting in the opposite of stress

I have realized lately that a few things are vital for my sanity
I need my people around me, I need their laughter, their care and their touch
I need to feel like I make a difference, for someone, anyone, something bigger
I need activity, busyness, diversions and distractions. So I don't have time to fall into my own crazy mind.

I'm not happy here
I know I should enjoy the hell out of it now...while I can
But instead my body is filled with heavy weights
With melancholy

And I'm scared...that it wont get better