Kitty cats

Mara is full of fluffy pretty and hungry kitty cats like this
I have seen them a million times
But still it blows my mind
That they are just there, sitting, lying, waiting, in the shade
Miaaaoooo

How can I describe this?

The mixed up feeling I have right now
Wanting to stay so desperately
Cant see how I could though
Need to go
Need something new
Just need to be patient

But all this love surrounding me right now is too much
How can I not be here with them?
How can I say good bye to all my friends?
To a Sunday like this?

In Mara to say good bye

In a way...it feels like it was yesterday that we lived here, me and R. Only a few hours since we had coffee in the chilly kitchen and sat on a bed watching House. Just the other day that we went out on a sundowner with warm beers and binoculars.

It was a different life. I miss it sometimes.
Im here to say bye to the women. And to close this chapter.

I just have to write something about this weirdness
About finding some of the things I have been looking for in a stranger

in something so totally disastrous and hopeless
in a connection so delayed and unexpected

sleepless
time is ticking

why did this happen now?
what is the point?
will it continue?

a man in a hat

Marathon

My lovely friend Cassie has done a good job putting the San Diego Rock n Roll Marathon idea into my head. And after yesterdays little test of my fitness Im totally ON to this mad challenge. I just hope that all other practical things in my life will allow it to happen logistically.

So now. Starting to train seriously. Making a schedule. Tracking my progress.
Im feeling great. And I know I can do it.

A once in a lifetime thing. To celebrate that I have two strong legs, functional lungs and that big love filled heart of mine can beat and hammer and bounce all it wants to get me through it.

Everything is possible right?

I want to go I want to stay

I dont want to let go of the adventure, of the excitement, of the high of avoiding normality
I dont want to think about calling some other place "home"
I dont want it to become only memories

I want to keep it reality

But then again
I look at all these people and I know its time to go
Its time to redo all the knots and hiccups
Its time to let go

Of that dream I had
Of what I chased

Every day I feel it stronger
That I have to leave
And how it will break me

Silole cottage

The perfect hideout 45 min out of the hustle and bustle
Had a great day there last week with El.
Peace and quiet, overlooking the Nairobi National Park and the Nairobi skyline.
A breather, a pause, a perfect place to be.

"when the voice and vision on the inside become more profound and clear than the opinions on the outside, then you have mastered your life" - stephen covey

KSPCA Nairobi

If I had a house with a garden I would for sure adopt one or two of these homeless darlings.

Lovely lovely people

Just to say something to a few of you that mean the world to me...

R...you are my rock and my focus point when it gets blurry. You know me and all my demons. You have seen me cry until there were no more tears and you have laughed with me so many times. Always there. Never far. You see the good and the bad in me and love me all the same.

T...accepted me being different and kept me close even when it was uncomfortable. Listening and kicking my ass when I go overboard. Rationality and coffee. And lovely Y.

E...sweetness, goodness, honey and a laugh. Never there, always late. But so present. Radiator of care and love.

M...bright and random you glitter and shine up minutes of my life with those small words of adoration. We can talk for hours.

El...finally someone that feels and sees what I see. You understand my own memories, because you also have the same ones. A delayed, but dear friendship.