Sunrise

There is nothing like the African sun rising or setting.
It makes my heart glow.
Even Ngong rd looks pretty at about 6.15 am.

I would miss this terribly if I go away.

And act of desperation

I'm not at all proud of it.
And it only made me feel better momentarily.
For a short while it felt good to touch, to be someone else, to pretend.
Rebel against you.
Rebel against my heart.

But also this made me left cold and empty.
Only missing you more then before.

What is an empty kiss anyway? A lie. A lie straight up our faces.
There is no joy to tangled hair without that soft embrace of possible promises.

Beautiful beasts

When Im out there I can breathe

I went to visit my best friend where he works out in the bush.
And life felt a bit greater.
When I see trees I can breathe and forget you.
When I feel the wild I'm myself.
When I sleep under stars tomorrow will be gentle.
Above the clouds all my demons are insignificant.

A drive to Amboseli

Is not to recommend for anyone that cant stand dust, bumps and a endless road.
But somehow I made it here on my own, after a few breakdowns, not mechanical, emotional.
And I'm glad I decided to leave the city and escape my demons for a while.

I'm still lost and confused about me and my place in this world.
But it always feels better when talking to elephants.

Did I really want to become a designer?

I mean how thought through was really my decision to study Design?
At the time I wanted nothing else.
In a way, now I wish I had done something different. Become something easier to define and something that would make job seeking a bit more straight forward.

Im starting to look at new possibilities....but where and as what I have no idea...I just know there's got to be something out there...

There is something about Sweden

There is something with the raw rocks that moves me
maybe a bit nostalgia

The dampness of a morning
ladybug gone missing

The knowledge of safe walking
and personal space

Like childhood fairytales it reminds me
of mystery, seaweed, safety pins and street signs

If you ever call again.
If you ever see me again.
If you ever hug me again.

You will hear a voice full of broken glass.
You will see a scared version of me.
You will feel my ribs like a fake metal grid around my heart.

I cant eat. I'm exhausted. I can not think about you.
I'm afraid of breaking.

With this overpopulated earth...is it really ethical to want to have children?

Had a major argument with one of my closest friends the other day.
First of all he doesnt like kids.
His second argument for not choosing to have children weighs a bit heavier; overpopulation of the planet.
How can it be environmentally sound and sustainable to raise a family. Even if you can provide the best future. Even if you can drive green cars and replant rain forest and shop eco-cotton clothes and eat local vegetables. Every western child consumes this planets resources probably 10 times of a child in the developing world.
So even if we want to see the solution in providing slum dwellers with condoms...it not gonna work.
My friend has a point. And he is firm in his believes. He can agree to say that one kid is at least better than three.

I still want a family one day. I want to give birth to a child if I can. But I dont want to bring something wonderful into this world just to destroy the planet equally much.

One child? Is that fair?

My flyffy little friend

She is the worlds cutest Tree Hyrax. And I shall call her Helga.
Helga lives in the big tree outside our guest dining in Mara. Such a sweetie.