Like yesterday...like forever

A week ago we said good bye
Seven days since I cried silently at the airport
A second ago that I remembered how your hand feels like

Im not sure
Where Im going
And why

But I know there will be movement
I need it
Restless in this world
Do I have a choice?

Kenya is with me
Every breath
I cant imagine moving back without recovering first
I cant imagine to stay here

SNOW

Everythings Brilliant

Thank you! For making my last days so special. For making me feel happy again. For being in the right place at the right time.

Panic attack

Christmas tomorrow
Sweden covered in white crisp snow
Beautiful
Clear
My chaotic parents and their chaos
Landing and realizing
That all my things
My life
Is not there

Not there, where my heart is
Not with the rolling hills and huge trees
Not where the sun shines on dusty soil
Not where traffic jam makes me want to cry
Not where Im used to returning to
The place that made me into me

Where Im special
And where I thought I belonged

Arrived

Arrival in a snowy world
a zero degrees wake up call
"hello" says reality and my decision is manifested by
two packed bags
my only things
rumbled up in a mess
Where do I go from here?
Why does it feel like I just made a mistake?
leaving the kites in the sky
monkeys in the garden
rolling hills and dusty roads
wonders and adventures
For a Christmas paranoid shopping mall world
with snow flakes dancing
woolen jumpers and wet toes

Where is home?

This is it

Leaving
What am I leaving behind?
A piece of me
My heart crumbling down on the dirty sidewalks
When will I be back?
Ever?
What about you and me and our bubble of intimacy
My last days in a happy haze

Still, inside of the tangle of thoughts
I know
I need to leave
I need to go today
So that something can happen tomorrow

60 roses

Thanks for an amazing day
Waking up to roses and balloons, breakfast in bed with you
Decorating a Christmas tree with your family
And wonderful dinner talking about life
Never felt quite this belonging
Makes me wanna stay and continue to live in your bed
In your space
In your sofa
Can we just freeze this moment?
This short glitter of time when we cant untangle
Now, when I wake up smiling

Moved

Emptied apartment
Boxes with things
the ones I really like
Furniture in a blue storage room
My photo on someone else wall
My bags in a bedroom that is not mine
And your sweetness
trying to make this process easier
Transition with you

I dont know what scares me most...
That I might really like you
That you might really like me
That you are lightyears older then me
That Im leaving in 15 days
Or just wanting things I cant have
Now, how do we navigate around this?
Straight through?
Not sure Im brave enough...

Some people are like icicles
but without the melting part

It doesnt matter how many times you bring sunshine in
They are still cold
Hard
Alone

For 30 minutes or so
you defrosted the surface
you let my words come through
you put your guard down

See it wasn't that bad was it?
To talk about what makes you ice
and me alone

Countdown

Its becoming very real now
And as I put my things in boxes I free myself from belonging here
I loose a little bit of nostalgia for every sealed carton
Im ready to move
Im ready for change
Wondering when and where I will hang my paintings up again?
How much will have happened before I wear that top again that I just packed down?
How will I feel?

19 days

Firedance

My friend Mickey leared how to firedance from YouTube...

Olesere